Who cares if one says Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Hannukah, Kwanza or Diwali? If Christmas truly is about the one time of year we really do put our differences aside & come together, then what does it matter how we address the occasion? Why does terminology have to be such a sticking point? It's the douchebags who bring out the negativity as there always seems to be some asshole or bitch harping about how the holiday doesn't adhere to their religious observances or practice so they feel the need to spoil it for everyone else because their sensibilities need to be accomodated first n' foremost. They call for bans of Christmas trees or images of Santa from kids schools & the office workplace to lobbies in downtown buildings. Since when did these symbols of traditional decoration become so offensive that we now have to change how we celebrate just for you? Have these twerps really forgotten that these are just expressions of festive custom? Has it really escaped them that much? Many a December has gone by when I've been grouchy & have flippantly remarked in sarcastic off-hand manner how the holiday's appeal for me has long ago disappeared but I deal with it & in no time it's all over with anyway. It no longer holds the thrill or excitement it once did since I was kid (call it getting older) but to actively campaign through marginalized complaining to remove it & take away what people have long recognized as a method of annual joy?? It's beyond ego n' arrogance. Fuck off with your proposed permanent change you pricks. Fuck off in telling us how we have to re-speak language here. How about you just shut up & let it go already because no one is infringing on you at the end of the day. Are any of the outsiders that you want to affect, individuals intruding on & tearing away what you may hold dear? If you can't ignore something so harmless in it's fun during the month & instead have to raise an unnecessary stink, then why should we be so politically correct in even taking your stupidness seriously? Get a life.
The news of her untimely death today at just 32 from cardiac arrest was shocking & sad but the controversy over the SNL skit that aired parodying her (only 2 weeks before her sudden passing), for me doesn't change the fact that the skit was damn funny. Abby Elliot's hilarious send-up was spot on & cracked me up. (Elliot guest voiced on 'King of the Hill' where Murphy was a regular as Luanne Platter so maybe there was already a correspondence). The spoof was more than likely pulled off the internet out of respect n' sensitivity for her grieving family & I think what really has people disturbed n' unnerved is that it now seems to eerily foreshadow unfortunate tragic end - instead of the too easy criticism of bad taste. Part of SNL's bread n' butter has been ripping on celebrities with their impersonations for AGES so it's impossible that they would have known beforehand of the devastating news to come. No class? Hardly. Why should this be any different?
MY FAVORITE SHOW: DANIEL MENAKER ON 'THE WEATHER CHANNEL' I've seen the Local Forecast 3 times now so I'll just mute it for a minute or 2. The 24-hour programming on the Weather Channel has a wonderful narcotic effect. Not only is its focus so narrow as to exclude 98 percent of all human excitements but we've spent an entire evolution trying to insure our safety from the elements. So what could be more soothing than the contemplation of huge climatic events reduced to a pixeled 19-inch image, rendered in cartoon symbols, schematic maps & narrated by preoccupied "weather hosts" as I like to think of them? It's all out there & I'm in here before my electronic hearth - in my hi-flr, prewar, 24 hr drmn fullsvce cave. The Weather Channel nominally covers the globe -- it drops in briefly on Europe, the Caribbean, even Asia from time to time -- but it mainly concerns the United States, (naturally) & mentions of Canada. And the descriptions of Current Conditions always sound to me like a poetry of American names. My top 10 at the moment: Tulare County, San Ysidro, Rapid City, Nogales, Onondaga, Lake Pontchartrain, Mechanicsville, Flint, Helena & East Orange. There's poetry in the Weather Channel's weather argot too: upper-air disturbance, lake-effect snow, monsoon, seasonably cool, warm front, ceiling, cloud cover, high-wind advisory, average lows & particularly, tornadic cell. All these words try to tame what we can't control -- weather as the objective correlative of fate. And there's a kind of poetry in the associations between the Weather Channel's commercials and the Weather Channel's subject matter. Michelin tires are easy, especially with that baby aquaplaning along inside a tire on a wet road, but it's a little harder to explicate the presence of Healthy Choice pastas. Bose Wave radios? Maybe it's the word "wave". What about Valtrex, a medicine for genital herpes? What does that have to do with the weather? Well, it's true that there's weather when people have genital herpes. That must be it. Uh-oh -- here's the Weekend Outlook, to be followed by Storm Watch (and what with recent prevalency in hurricanes, blizzards & tsunamis as well as powerful precipitation or just the potency in the humidex n' heatwaves - is wrong to miss El Nino?) Oh well, gotta unmute.
"When we're talking about a vampire, we're essentially talking about a parasite. An arrogant, sparkly, metrosexual sand flea on the dog of humanity." - author Max Brooks (World War Z)
AN A-Z OF INTERNATIONAL VAMPIRE CULTURE
ALBANIA Those guilty of a crime that went unpunished in life will be condemned at their deaths to rise from the grave as bloodsuckers
ARMENIA The nocturnal spirit creature 'Dakhanavar' inhabiting the region of his territory, murdered violators trying to count the 366 valleys nestled in the mountains by sucking the blood from the soles of their feet
BRAZIL One species known as 'jaracaca' appeared as a snake feeding from the breasts of nursing mothers. Children would be pushed out of the way & kept quiet by tails shoved into their mouths. The other species 'lobishomen' draws blood from its victims (also preying mainly on women) in which survivors exhibit definite nymphomaniacal tendencies
BULGARIA The 'ubour' is an undead type possessing only one nostril & a barbed-ended tongue. It's creation stems from sudden violent death, suicide or a cat or other animal jumping over its corpse. It's unpleasantries include bloating, choking people and it's most foul activity: smearing & eating dung
CHINA The most feared type is the 'kuang-shi', a demonic fiend distinguished by glaring red eyes, sharp fangs & talons, white or greenish hair covering its body, ability to fly, appear as mist or vapor and even invisibility
CROATIA With various slavic origins, vampires rise from the grave at night attacking people in districts particularly where they quarreled in life, preferring to eat their hearts & intestines or to drink blood. They were identifiable by the sounds they made similar to a donkey or dog & a luring sound of crying or shouting
DENMARK The 'maru' represent the active nightmarish terrors of incubi or succubi & oppressive or crushing weight during sleep. Female creatures adopted human form in the day, married unsuspecting males & strangled them
EGYPT Many scholars believe one of the world's 1st great civilizations is the birthplace of the vampire with its scene of many fictional works, ageless pyramids, mystic rites & its lost timelessness serving as the perfect backdrop for creation having developed a rich, complex n' highly positive view of death & the afterlife
ESTONIA The 'veripard' (blood beard) was essentially a manifestation of nightmares that tormented people & pressed down upon them
FINLAND Myths & songs of the 19th century are found in a framework that has a well-defined concept of the underworld called 'tuonela' or 'manala'. The ruler Tuoni & his wife Tuonetea were joined by their frightful daughters along with a creature personifying death who reigned over graves & was named after the odor of a corpse. Guarding over her abode was Surma, a sharp-fanged monster drinking the blood of humankind
FRANCE Like Britain has virtually no original vampire tradition other than a long line of historical lunatics who drank blood & engaged in hideous crimes
GERMANY With highly varied tradition & diversity, the country made a lasting contribution to vampirology in its numerous 'experts' writing on the undead during the 17th n' 18th centuries thus largely being responsible for introducing the creature to European theatre
GREECE Home to an abundance of undead where war between the living & unliving has long been waged. With the destruction of various specimens spread throughout the Aegean, vampires date back to the ancient world with blood & return from the dead figured quite prominently in classical writings. In time, the Orthodox church altered the populace's view resulting in confusions involving ex-communication, associations with werewolves & demonic infestations cited by local clergymen routinely exhuming suspected corpses - all of which did little to clear up matters
HUNGARY Long believed of being heavily infested with vampires, (and having given the world the the very word 'vampyr') the country's reputation of undead first came to Europe's general attention owing to numerous cases taking place in villages & countrysides during the 17th to 18th centuries. The incessant nature of reports described the most common destruction by staking through the heart to the most obscure end being a nail hammered through the temple. The country is also the home of possibly the earliest vampire film being the 1921 silent picture, DRAKULA
Báthing with Erzsebet
ICELAND With its share of warrior revenants (reanimated or wandering undead returned from the beyond), prevention came by piercing the feet of a corpse before burial to keep the body in place. Those who died while seated where taken out of the house still in the chair & a hole kicked in a wall to make sure the deceased had no way of remembering the door out of which he was taken thus to reappear. Revenants with the curious habit of climbing onto roofs to kick at shingles were quited by decapitation, their head placed beneath the corpse & reburied. Those born on a Saturday were believed aided by a 'fylgia' (natal spirit) in the shape of a dog
INDIA A place of multifaceted cultures & diverging religions (each with its own tales on the dead) have resulted in naturally varying opinions between scholars n' academics - many believing that vampirology began here in the bloody gods & legends of ancient peoples estimated as early as the 3rd millenium B.C. in the shape of deities depicted as merciless embodiments of primordial fears, disease, the night, blood & death. Trade, customs & war carried the traditions ultimately reaching Europe where further contributions had also come from a wealth of ogres, demons, ghosts, animal spirits, evil sorcerers, trolls & other mythical beings - all these forms sometimes described as 'bhuta'
JAPAN Unusual & very often luridly humorous bloodsuckers or children eaters have been opted over the classical vampire. The most dreaded demon was the 'hannya' female baby eater & man-hater. Her dreadful appetite was also shared by the 'kasha' (ghoul), a creature so awful that when a ghoul couple produced a normal child, they prayed & hoped it died so they could have a tasty meal
JAVA The largest island comprising Indonesia. The most feared vampire is known as 'sundal bolong' (hollowed bitch), a female creature resulting from the suicide n' return of a woman raped & impregnated by evil men. She appears dressed in white to young men then lures them to their deaths & drains their blood. The country is also associated with vampirism due to the presence of several species of vampire bats on the island
KENYA During the colonial period, Africans told each other terrifying rumors that Africans who worked for white colonists captured unwary residents & took their blood. Many of those abducted were allegedly hung upside down, had their throats cut & their blood drained into huge buckets. Others were kept in pits & had their blood sucked. These historical sources based on gossip n' rumor describe colonial power based on the relationship of cultural & intellectual life under European rule and the control n' terror of masters through fear & fantasy
LITHUANIA The most famous tale of vampirism is that of Capatain Pokrovsky the guards officer in 1905. Banished temporarily to an estate for some vague political offence, he spent time enjoying his days with his uncle & niece. One morning among the local peasants, he met a pale & listless farmer whose health began failing after his 2nd marriage. Inspite of a ravenous appetite, the man appeared to shrivel more every day & he cried out at night. Pokrovsky summoned a doctor & had the poor peasant examined when the customary consumption of red meats resulted in deterioration. The doctor diagnosed excessive blood loss inspite of not being anaemic or having any wound that could have caused such a condition but 2 small punctures were found in his neck but with no inflammation common from insect or animal bites. Over the course of time after a prescription of various medicines, tonics, healthy meals & wine failed to bring about recovery, Pokrovsky was informed that the peasant farmer had died. The wounds on his neck had become much more severe at the time of his passing & the sudden disappearance of his widow added to the superstitious fear of the locals for inspite of her regular attendance at mass & otherwise being a normal young woman, Pokrovsky believed she had been draining her husband's blood during the night in an act of unconscious vampirism. Another explanation given was that of vampiric possession resulting in the widow fleeing defenseless against panicked & hostile public reaction
MEXICO Without a doubt inspired by the deep-seated Aztec views of human sacrifice where endless rituals ivolved hearts ripped out of still-living victims, pagan clerics viewed as feared magicians, priests distinguished by blood-soaked garments & blood-matted hair, excessive brutality and a morbid fascination with death. After the end of the empire by Spanish conquistadors, elements of European folklore (with the ironic exception of sun worship) where further combined with traditional native beliefs
NEPAL The most horrible of the vampire deities was the god of death depicted with fangs, standing on a base of human skeletons, wearing a crown of polished n' bleached human skulls and a necklace made of a garland of severed heads
NEW GUINEA With the power of blood said to possess elements of the soul, villagers have feared evil sorcerers who use the liquid to summon evil spirits to provide them with a means of corporeal existence
OMAN no history found
POLAND Vampires known as 'upior' are characterized by their insatiable thirst for blood (most notable when finally destroyed resulting in enormous quantities pouring out into the coffin), barbed tongue, its noon to midnight hours it keeps & consuming the winding sheet used in the funeral. An unusaul prevention/protection food involves the consumption of blood bread made from vampire blood & flour.
PORTUGAL Terror comes from witches & a female species of the undead known as 'bruxsa' which at night flies in the shape of a large bird, tormenting travellers & nourishing largely from feeding on her own offspring
QATAR no history found
ROMANIA With the historical divisions in Transylvania, Moldavia & Wallachia, it's only natural these regions possess one of the greatest bodies of folklore in the world with many to this day believing the undead originated here; a logical assumption (if not historically accurate) considering the wide variety of vampire species including the 'varcolaci' capable of causing eclipses by eating the sun & moon. Slaying the undead ranges from the customary traditional stake to firing a bullet in the chest. There are a host of ways for a corpse to become a vampire such as suicide, witchcraft, a cat jumping over a dead body, being a 7th son, having a vampire stare at an unborn child & having an expectant mother fail to consume enough salt
A royal pain
RUSSIA The undead were malevolent creatures of evil feared because of deformities. Fetid details describe them as unclean, diseased, grotesque & a loathliness further intensifying their horror. Perhaps the most unique causes for such a being was immorality & leaving a corpse exposed to the bitter winds of the vast Steppes (grassland plains)
SCOTLAND A terrible vampire known as 'baobhan-sith' would suck the blood out of unsuspecting men but the most infamous fiend was Redcap, named for his habit of dipping his cap in preferably human blood. He haunted ruined castles & attacked unwary travellers. Warding him off involved reading scripture or presenting a cross-handled sword. As Redcap could assume various forms in different regions, some considered him a figure of good luck
SPAIN Evil witch-type creatures were said to attack children by mounting roofs & tearing at tiles to enter rooms often sucking their blood or trying to carry them off to perform nefarious diabolical rites. The Catholic clergy served as chief opponents armed with the bible & holy water
TIBET From the earliest beginnings of the Hindus & Buddhists, the precepts of cremation are adhered to in the belief that simply burning a corpse serves as an invitation for the soul to return as the undead in search of blood. Among the most fearsome of the supernatural deities is 'bhayankara' (the awful) who receives blood sacrifices
UNITED ARAB EMIRATES no history found
VIETNAM Easily laying claim to some of the weirdest species with one type of creature using certain antennae protruding from its nose in order to ingest blood & semen. Another had a detachable head that could fly off its body in search of victims while guts & entrails were still attached to the neck capable of storing blood. During the Vietnam war some indigenous tribes told US Marines of the presence of 'ma' (phantoms) & reanimated corpses that haunted the jungle, drinking the blood & consuming the internal organs of people unlucky enough to cross their paths. The claims were quickly dismissed as local superstition but strange encounters trickled in of ghoulish ghostly figures with fangs & black eyes appearing in daylight, impervious to bullets & capable of vanishing into thin air
WALES The most unique vampire in its folklore is not a person but an object: the tale relates how a minister visiting a family that lived in a converted farmhouse sat on a chair for a time and discovered later that he had teeth marks on his hands, sides & feet. It was claimed the farmer who owned the chair had infact come back as a vampire in furniture form
YEMEN no history found
ZIMBABWE (Along with fellow African country Zambia) no history found
Posts
